More about Daughter's history

I had a very productive meeting with the counselor yesterday. The counselor, by the way, is s child psychologist who has known my daughter for about a year and a half. We began taking Daughter to see her at the end of second grade because Daughter had began having debilitating stress and anxiety symptoms toward the end of that school year -- headaches, tummy aches and insomnia. They were brought on mostly by a very difficult teacher and difficult school year. Even though Daughter had excelled academically that year, it seemed she could do nothing right behaviorally for that little twit of a teacher. In hind sight, I believe that was the year that the ADHD symptoms began surfacing ... but the teacher was too young and immature to recognize them and explain to us what the real problem was. So we simply never understood the problem for what it was. My daughter was treated like--and felt like--a pariah in that classroom. To top it off, her best friend moved away, which sent her into a depressive state. That was when we began seeing the counselor.

So we have had a history with counseling. The counselor and a wonderful third grade teacher got us through the next school year. But still, no one suspected ADHD. Her grades remained A's and the occasional B in math. She hated school, struggled socially with her best friend gone, and had a real chip on her shoulder. So we thought the anxiety she had with school was based on her recovery from the bad experience in second grade and adjusting to school life without her best friend. She was bright enough to compensate academically even though she was having her daydreaming/spacing out problems. But again, we really thought this was just because she was so unhappy to be at school.

By the end of the year she was doing well. She had really improved her outlook over the year. She began to get a lot of writing awards (she is a very gifted writer). She even won third place in the third grade spelling bee. She discovered a love for acting and landed a part in a community play. She really ended the year on a high note.

Fast forward to fourth grade. She has finally overcome that chip on her shoulder. She's a happy little girl again. She gets a wonderful teacher for fourth grade. And then of all things, her best friend moves back. We start the new school year under the best of circumstances.

And then all of a sudden her grades start tanking. We start hearing the reports from her teacher about all the daydreaming, lack of focus and wandering around the classroom. All the classic ADHD symptoms for girls are now very apparent. Still, I don't really suspect it until we go back to the counselor to talk about what's going on. And then it hits me like a ton of bricks ... the fact that I've lived with a little jumping bean her whole life ... a little Energizer Bunny ... and that this constant motion isn't normal ... it indicates a problem. And maybe it's not just an overactive imagination causing her to blank out during lessons. We accept the ADHD and begin treating it.

But in addition to the ADHD, she's started getting anxious and depressed again. That's what yesterday's post was all about. And that's what took me to the counselor yesterday.

There's something else I haven't written about here -- a factor that could play into all of this. My family went through another traumatic event last year. We lost our home in a flood. It was during the Spring, just when Daughter was doing really, really well. Right in the middle of her play. We lost our car, much furniture and all most all the kids' toys. We were forced out of the home and have been living in a rental duplex for 10 months, struggling financially on FEMA money waiting for a buyout deal on the property. So we have had a pretty difficult year.

But Daughter has been the one person in the family who seems to have handled it pretty well. She really seemed unaffected by all the stress. We expected her to be the one most traumatized. But she really took it all in stride. But for the last two months, we hear about the flood a lot. So we're wondering if perhaps the flood trauma has not caught up with her.

I told the counselor yesterday I think it's kind of odd that she would have handled it so well for so long and then start falling apart at the very time when things are starting to get better for the rest of the family. Things are finally looking up financially, there's less conflict between her parents now, we've almost reached closure on the house. So the rest of the family is LESS stressed and she is suddenly MORE stressed. What is that all about?

The counselor suggested it could be the same phenomenon that affects adults when they are under a lot of stress and have to work night and day and get very little rest but they get through it without getting sick -- but then when it's over and they can finally rest, that is when they get sick. In other words, when you are able to let your defenses down, that is when you finally get sick. It's just a theory, she doesn't know for sure. But she is going to begin therapy with Daughter on the flood to see if that could be causing the anxiety. Here are some of the other things we could be dealing with:

*Puberty? (long shot. her body doesn't seem to be showing signs)
*Just the stress of having ADHD
*The ADHD medication
*Something physical in her brain -- I could ask for a brain scan if therapy and ADHD med don't help

Anyway, that's more of our story. I'm just really trying to get to the bottom of what is hurting her and what's causing her behavior. She really is such a great kid with so much potential. I love her with every fiber of my being, and I just want her to be OK. To thrive.